I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
