ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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