1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
