are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Randomize
