dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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