I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
