He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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