My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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