we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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