I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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