I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
