we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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