You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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