My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
