I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
