If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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