the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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