as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
