Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
