9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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