Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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