dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
