I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
