I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
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I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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