shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
