just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
