just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
