i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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