You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
