He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
