He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
