Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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