I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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