If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
