we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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