Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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