when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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