There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
