Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Randomize
