you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
