my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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