I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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