you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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