it's like iHOP with fire
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
