I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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