i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
