Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
