This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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