I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
