Im at strip club and am horny
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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