I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
