I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
