Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
