did you get engaged???
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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