he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
