I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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