Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
