my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
