I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
