if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
