hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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