So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
