Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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