Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize