Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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