He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
