I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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