I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
