Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
