I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
