I don't think brook has ever known best
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
