i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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