I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
