hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
