just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
