i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
