My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
