i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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