If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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