Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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