you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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