Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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