I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
