I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
