Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Everyone says I win the strip club
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
