Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
