The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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