Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
