and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
